[ Monday, June 02, 2003 ]

 
   

Mood: Mixed
Music: Dunno

I feel....like....strange. Empty, sorta...like I'm filled with nothing and just occupying space. I don't really know how to describe it. I guess I've kinda lost the will to live and have just sorta given up on it all. The one person who makes me feel happy is gone and won't return for a long time...and I dunno if I can last that long. Selfish as it sounds...my friends don't help much...rubbing their happiness in my face and not even knowing it or doing it on purpose. Like today...me and Bekah went over to her bf's house to drop something off and ended up staying like an hour...during which they cuddled and kissed and such...it just infuriated me..and I guess Bekah noticed and kept asking if I wanted to leave. but what was I supposed to say? "Yes, this pisses me off and disgusts me. I want to break up your happiness and go home NOW." I may be depressed...but I'm not outright mean..-_-;; That same scenario happened at Jenny's so long ago with her and Kevin...only then I wasn't strong enough to block out the lip-smacking sounds and uncomfortableness and the stabbing pains of loneliness and I proceeded to run out of the room crying. And my other friends...last night one of them ditched me at the last minute to go with one of her other friends and didn't even tell me. We were supposed to go to the movies together, but someone else told me they thought she was going with someone else. When I called her, she confirmed and didn't even say she was sorry. And my other friends who go out together and don't even bother to call me don't exactly make me feel like a valued friend either. But I've come to this conclusion: Fuck it all. I've gotten to the point where I'm just going to give up. FUCK IT. I just don't care anymore. I have 2 more years in this God-forsaken town and then I'm outta here. Thank God. I need to make new friends and meet new people somewhere new and leave all this shit behind. Then I can get my degree in psychology and maybe help some teen like me get through this like I wish someone would do with me.

    Lar [10:00 PM]

 Comments: Post a Comment