[ Thursday, June 09, 2005 ]

 
   

Mood: Depressed
Music: TRUSTCompany- Downfall

I don't like the person I'm turning into. I feel like I'm transforming into this horrible, mean-spirited person who hates everything. Or maybe this hateful person has always been in me, but, due to recent circumstances, has been pushed to the surface...I'm not sure. But whatever it is...I'm not liking it. And I can't change it. I've been trying. Whenever the urge to say a negative comment flies into my head, I try to push it down. But then, a few minutes later, I'll have an even more horrible comment come to the surface.

I don't know if it's stress that's causing me to be like this, or what. It could be a number of things...stress, loneliness, hatred towards work yet the seemingly endless amount of hours I have to put into it....I don't know.

Speaking of loneliness....I wonder what's up with my "friends" lately? I'll call them and say, "Hey, let's do something." and they'll say, "Oh, can't, sorry. Maybe another time." GD, umm...let's see...definitely only have like 2 months left in St. Louis..minus the time I'll be in CA...so really only like 1 1/2 months....so yeah....if you don't want to hang out with me now, yeah, not really going to be able to EVER AGAIN. Cos let's be honest....how many people REALLY keep in contact with their high school friends? Like 1/10. God, this sucks. I mean, I'm going off to college, I'm not going to know anyone....are my friends just hanging out with other friends now and leaving me to rot for the summer so I'm lonely now too? Cos it sure as hell feels like it. No wonder I'm so attached to my mom...cos she's the only freaking person who DOES anything with me. Le sigh. I'm going to go sulk in my room.

    Lar [10:59 PM]

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