[ Tuesday, December 27, 2005 ]

 
   

Mood: Indescribable
Music: Five for Fighting- 100 Years

I went out to lunch with my Grandma today, and then stopped off at Best Buy to buy Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and the King Kong soundtrack. While I was in Best Buy, I looked down at my phone and saw that I had just received a phone call and had a new voicemail message. I saw that it was Jessika, and figured that she wanted to know what I was doing that night. I didn't listen to her message in the store...but I listened to it on the way home. She said that something had happened, and I needed to call her right away. I thought that she meant something had happened in regards to our plans...and she was going to have to cancel our New Year's preparations or something. Well, when I got home, I gave her a call.....and she slapped the news on me.

Our friend Thomas' little sister, Lizzy, passed away.

I was just floored...I mean...she was 15. Fifteen!! I asked what had happened...and Jessika told me that she had died of brain cancer. I was shocked...I mean...no one had ever mentioned to me she had cancer. Well, that's because they didn't know themselves. Last Monday (before Christmas), Lizzy started fainting, and they took her to the hospital. They did scans, found the cancer, then operated. She fell asleep and, by Thursday, was pronounced dead.

I am just so down right now...I feel so horrible for Thomas' family...she was the youngest of the kids. I can't even imagine what it would be like to lose a sibling...and to know that Thomas is going through that right now...it breaks my heart. I mean, going up to him and saying, "I'm sorry for your loss..." can only do so much, you know? I can't imagine what that must be like...and for his parents, to lose their baby...I just can't imagine it.

To have a life taken away by cancer at the age of 15...I still can't seem to wrap my mind around it. When I think of cancer...I think of an adult problem...my mom...my grandpa...my grandma...friend's parents...family friends....all who have had cancer. When I hear that a child has cancer...something that has the potential to kill them...I just can't comprehend it. A childhood friend of mine recently died of cancer...and I still can't believe that the world is now void of her presence. I mean...when someone you know dies, and they're an adult...you can take comfort in the fact that they lived a long life and experienced many things. But when a child dies....and all of their dreams have vanished with their last breath...it's so depressing.

Lizzy's funeral was this evening, which was why Jessika had called. I went with Jessika, and I was astounded at how many people were there. She was a freshman in high school...and just about the whole freshman class of Eureka High School showed up...as well as members from the other classes, faculty members from EHS, LaSalle Springs Middle School faculty, past graduates of EHS that knew Thomas and his family...there were so many people there. I hope that Thomas and his family can take comfort in the fact that Lizzy touched so many lives. I don't think that many people would have shown up if she wasn't loved.

During the funeral, I thought a lot about death...and how it can just show up out of nowhere, as it did for Lizzy. If death showed up for me so suddenly...would I have a lot of regrets? I don't want to die with regrets. I only have one really big regret...and that's that I didn't go to church when I was younger. I know that, at the age of 7, I wouldn't have been able to make the decision to go to church on my own...but not going to church caused me to have a lot of doubts in God...especially a few years ago, when I found out my mom had cancer. But as I've grown into myself a little more, I've also grown more in my faith. I spoke with mom this evening after the funeral, and I asked her if we could start going to church when I'm home...and, if we find the right church, for me to get baptized. I don't think that I'm going to HAVE to get baptized to get into Heaven when I die...I don't think God would leave me out in the cold that is limbo (I don't think God would send a person like me into Hell). But it's something that I want to do. I'm sort of embarrassed, posting this on LJ...I don't really like to talk about religion with my friends very much. I think it's an aftereffect of my lack of faith from a few years ago, when a friend of mine told me that I was going to Hell...meep.

Sighness...today just hasn't really been a good day. -_- My thoughts and prayers are going to be with Thomas' family for a long time.

Before I go...Alan's "premiere" is tonight down in the big FL....and is going on right this second, as I'm typing this...so I'm wishing him the best of luck...and that he's playing the Simple and Clean remix...because it's awesome. I'm hoping his CD turntable arrived...I had my fingers crossed today that it would get there in time.

Alright...I'm going to go write a post, then watch Hitchhiker's....or listen to the KK soundtrack...probably the latter, so I can have background music for my rambled thoughts.

    Lar [9:57 PM]

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